Forget self-help. Ancient wisdom has happiness tips that align with science. Bestselling author Ryan Holiday explains how Stoicism can make you smile.
With a background in mechanical engineering, Ryan Farley isn’t someone you would expect to have an interest in the quality of your lawn or the depth of the green in your Kentucky bluegrass. You also wouldn’t expect that he and his co-founders would work so passionately to grow a business that […]
We’d all like to know how to be more assertive… but nobody really explains what that means. Here’s what psychological research says is the answer.
After you do your “I should” exercise, it is time for your “I could” exercise. Finish the sentence, “If I really tried, I could . . . . . ” Write at least five different endings to that sentence. Let your sentences sit for a day and then read them over again. Which of these sentences are really meaningful to you? Which ones make you excited when you think about actually accomplishing them?
For those sentences that excite you, ask yourself:
1.) Why haven’t I achieved this already?
2.) What obstacles are holding me back?
4.) What can I do right now to move me towards these goals?
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Picture by Craig Sunter by 2.0
Finish the statement “I should….” Five or more times. Now look at each statement. Does it have a meaningful impact on tour life? Where does it come from? Is it true for you now?
One of my clients is a wonderful woman who runs a small business. She impressed those who know her as strong, intelligent, competent and social. She sees herself differently. She sees herself as a girl who should do as she is told, let her betters take care of things and to basically stay out of the way.
When she did this excise, she realized that she was no longer a child. She no longer needed to listen to the adults. Her, as a child, was no longer true. She as the competent adult. She was one who’s voice should be heard.
After you do your “I should” exercise, try “I could” exercise next.
Are you still confined by what you were told as a child? Are you still living a life you “should” live? I would love to hear from you or share to someone who is trapped by their childhood.
Most productivity advice sounds like it wants you to be a robot. Here’s how to be productive without making yourself unhappy in the process.
When we list out what our obstacles are, when we list out why we haven’t succeeded, does that list consist of real obstacles or excuses? A client tried telling me how her contractors were dictating her schedule. When I asked why, she had a series of reasons. Her poor communication style. It is how the industry works, etc. Then I listed each reason back to her and ask, “is this an excuse or is this a real obstacle?” With each one, the answer was that is was an excuse. It was an excuse that allowed her to not engage her contractors. Once she was able to admit that she was making excuses to avoid the conflict, we created a series of tactics that allowed her to stand up for herself without creating the conflict she feared. We also role played the smaller amount of conflict that would happen. We built up her confidence, improved her motivation, gave her tools and (most importantly) removed her excuses. The contractors continue to work with her and they no longer dictate her schedule. I have an excerpt of where some of these excuses are coming from here: Voices within.
List all of the reasons that are holding you back. For each one, decide if it is a real obstacle or is it an excuse. Then, create strategies to engage each item on your list. Even though it may be an excuse, you are still going to have to deal with it. It will take effort. You can use some of these techniques to get yourself moving.
Studies show that happiness has a pre-set point that is largely determined by DNA but you don’t to let your DNA dictate your future.
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